pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
