Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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