when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
