The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
