I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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