We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this will be a night to untag.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is my gift to your gina
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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