His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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