i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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