you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
