I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
