Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
