Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She bit a glass in half.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
