it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
