If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
