Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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