that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
