I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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