please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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