I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My hand turned me down
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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