Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
