Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So much Jack, so little girl.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
