I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
