he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
