You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
