He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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