I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
