Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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