the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
