Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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