Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
