what day is it and did you see me today?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
