i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
