Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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