The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
