My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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