I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
