I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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