is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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