yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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