Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
