Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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