I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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