wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
