I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
