Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
