2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
