I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
