so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
