Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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