You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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