in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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