College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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