Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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