And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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