walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
