absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
