Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
