p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
